The Thorn in the Current
by needneverbehopeless
Summary: What happens when a very disoriented Rose Tyler materializes into the TARDIS to find an unconscious Doctor with who she assumes is his latest companion leaning over him? River/Doctor one-sided Rose/Doctor
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: hola. It's me. R&R!**

River POV

The Doctor twirled me around the TARDIS, dancing (awfully I might add) to a song from the 60's not even Elvis knew the words to.

As the song came to a close, the doctor leant me against one of the TARDIS columns, and leaned in for a kiss.

As his lips met mine, my mind exploded into fireworks. It was not until I was pulling away, that I realized two things. One: the Doctor had stopped moving. Two: my lips were very, very sticky.

OOOOOPS.

I had forgotten to take of my hallucinogenic lipstick. On humans, it triggered a fantasy of a meadow on a warm, sunny day. On Timelords, it knocked them out for days. And caused them to blurt out their darkest secrets.

However, before I could think further on the situation, my eyes were drawn to a very blond, _very_ pink figure carrying a very, _very _large gun that suddenly appeared next to the TARDIS matrix.

The girl did not even have time to blink before my gun was drawn and my finger was on the trigger.

She spoke slowly, as if I was a wild puppy that might bolt at any second.

"Hello. I assume you are the Doctor's current companion. Where is he?" her words were slurred with some kind of accent that I couldn't quite place.

Her eyes drifted downward, and she let her gun clatter to the floor as she scampered over to him. She started caressing his hair, which was totally out of line if you ask me, and murmuring an out of tune lullaby.

She looked up suddenly and pointed at me.

"You, frizzy hair." _Excuse me? Your one to talk, doe eyes_, I thought. "How did this happen?" she asked.

"Well… it was an accident involving a certain kind of-"

"Is it Permanent?" she interrupted

"No…Errrrrr….I don't know. I never actually stayed to watch the results." I grinned sheepishly.

"So you've seen it before?"

"Yes." I decided one-word answers were safest.

"I'm sorry, what's your name again?"

"I'm River Song. I'm the Doctor's-"

"Companion, yes I know the drill."

It wasn't till then that I placed the pieces together. Blond. Pink. Companion. Accent. Oh no. no no no no no no no no no no. I was talking to someone I was never supposed to meet.

"Hello, Rose Tyler."

**Chapter two will be posted soon. CLICK DA BUTTON**


	2. Chapter 2

River POV

Rose looked at me as if I was crazy. "How do you know my name?" said my not-so-worthy competition.

"Oh, right. The Doctor probably talks about me all the time." As if. I had to pry the information out of him. He actually thought I would be jealous of his previous companion he had a crush on, who was now locked away in another world. Or…..apparently not.

"How _did_ you get back here anyway?" I questioned.

"We rebuilt the dimension canon. Yes, it was a little risky, but with a little help from an alternate dimension Jack, plus the real one…that was a** lot** of flirting, we managed to work out all the kinks." Her chest swelled in pride at the mention of her success.

"Don't you have a human doctor waiting in the other dimension? Why feel the need to visit this one?"

She looked up at me with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"He…he's… dead." Oh. Ohhhhhh. I immediately felt sorry for her. I was starting to understand why the doctor had taken in this stray puppy.

The next thing I knew, she was on my lap, crying, and I was stroking her hair, comforting her.

The Doctor slowly opened his eyes, squinting in the matrix light. That's weird. Last time I got a confession of his love for me, and the statement that his new form hated bananas. Although, considering my position with Rose (she has a bigger gun) the former would probably end badly.

"River, did you forget to take off your hallucinogenic lipstick aga-" he broke off, noticing Rose asleep on my lap. She really was like a puppy.

"Well. That is something I never thought I would see." Said the Doctor, smiling up at me with my favorite crooked grin.


	3. Chapter 3

River POV

I rolled my eyes at him, then put my finger to my lips, telling him to be quiet.

Apparently Rose is a very light sleeper because she awoke as soon as my arm moved. She then proceeded to tackle the Doctor to the floor, sending both of them sprawling.

The Doctor groaned, whether it was from hunger or being knocked to the floor after just waking up, I couldn't tell.

I decided it was probably a little of both, so I arose to get him some food. Annoyingly, at the same time Rose decided to say, "I'll go get you some food, Doctor." She directed the next part at me, "he's always starving after regeneration."

Wait one Gallifreyan second (which we all know is shorter than a regular second), she thought he had regenerated? I had a hard time restraining my giggles. "Yes, Doctor, you might have a hard time getting up in your _brand new form,"_ I teased as Rose got up to make him food.

As soon as she was out of hearing distance, we burst out laughing. After we'd sobered up, I posed the question we were both thinking.

"How much do we tell her? Doctor, we can't tell her about…you know…_us. _The human duplicate is dead. She's grief-stricken. As much as I hate to say it, she's been through too much." I couldn't believe I was sympathizing with my competition.

"But we can't get her hopes up. It would break her heart even more if we lead her on," the Doctor contradicted.

"I know. It seems there's only one option. We give her a new life-" I started.

"Then we fake my death," the Doctor concluded grimly. "On a happier note, I wonder if Rose found that fish custard ye-"

"Doctor! I've got your favorite!" Rose yelled out from the kitchen. He scrambled to his feet, and ran full speed, skidding to a stop in front of the door. By the time I got there, Rose had blindfolded him, and sitting in front of him was a plate full of….

Apple pie.


End file.
